I want a house of my own. I have been married for 3.5 years and we have lived in the same rinky-dink apartment for almost 6 years now!!
I want to be able to paint the rooms colors that suit me. I want to buy furniture that fits in a certain spot "just so". I want a yard. I want to be able to let my dog out the back door and trust that he won't get in trouble for being out without a leash. I want to get a companion for my dog. I want to carry my groceries through ONE door, not four. I want more space. I want more windows and more light.
The worst part is... I am the reason we don't have a house yet. I am a fucking slacker. That is really the root of the entire problem. I am a slacker. If I could just get a full-time permanent job and hold it down for a little while, we'd probably be able to get a house without a problem.
I'm also scared as hell to own a house. That's a huge commitment. And it's a LOT to lose! I think that deep down, that is why I won't try harder to get a decent job. Marrying Nate hardly felt like a commitment, it was the easiest thing I've ever done because I know we're for real and there was just no apprehension. A house is not a permanent thing - you can lose it for up to 30 years, until it's paid off. That's 30 years of having to be on top of your game. It just freaks me out sometimes. Not to mention that when you finance a home, you end up paying for it 2.5-3 times over after all is said and done! I can't beleive that is legal.
So... I want a house. But, I want a good job first. I'm not just going to take anything, that is my problem I suppose.
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